Today it happened again. It felt like this might have been the beginning of last years crash. That tiny feeling of not being good enough. It came from a percieved dip in productivity in my work today. I am not programming now, not doing something tangible (as much as code is tangible), but rather researching on some topics. These topics are important for us as a team. In my eyes, though, these tasks seem minor, inferior to the work that others on my team are doing. Real work.
\nI know it's unfair to think like this. That's clear to me. What's opaque as fuck to me is how I go from feeling this slight sense of not being good enough to something that can bring down my day and my gf's day with it. That, and where the fuck does this come from. So far, on my journey to understand myself, my relation to work has never been much of a focus. Maybe this has been a blind-spot all along. Because work directlyinfluences how I see myself and how I see the world.
\nmindmap\n root((Work))\n Social Value\n Place to meet people\n Place to talk\n Make friends?\n Connect to coworkers\n Home Office\n Lonelinless\n Disconnection from coworkers\n Influences \n Self-esteem\n Perception of the world\n Value of other people \n Real work\n Programming\n Producing a tangible outcome\n Not Real Work\n Research\n Open-ended work\n","value":"Today it happened again. It felt like this might have been the beginning of last years crash. That tiny feeling of not being good enough. It came from a percieved dip in productivity in my work today. I am not programming now, not doing something tangible (as much as code is tangible), but rather researching on some topics. These topics are important for us as a team. In my eyes, though, these tasks seem minor, inferior to the work that others on my team are doing. Real work.\nI know it's unfair to think like this. That's clear to me. What's opaque as fuck to me is how I go from feeling this slight sense of not being good enough to something that can bring down my day and my gf's day with it. That, and where the fuck does this come from. So far, on my journey to understand myself, my relation to work has never been much of a focus. Maybe this has been a blind-spot all along. Because work directlyinfluences how I see myself and how I see the world.\nmindmap\n root((Work))\n Social Value\n Place to meet people\n Place to talk\n Make friends?\n Connect to coworkers\n Home Office\n Lonelinless\n Disconnection from coworkers\n Influences \n Self-esteem\n Perception of the world\n Value of other people \n Real work\n Programming\n Producing a tangible outcome\n Not Real Work\n Research\n Open-ended work"}],"name":["Real work"],"published":["2026-05-04T20:49:40+02:00"],"summary":["Today it happened again. It felt like this might have been the beginning of last years crash. That tiny feeling of not being good enough. It came from a percieved dip in productivity in my work today. I am not programming now, not doing something tangible (as much as code is tangible), but rather researching on some topics. These topics are important for us as a team. In my eyes, though, these tasks seem minor, inferior to the work that others on my team are doing. Real work.\nI know it's unfair to think like this. That's clear to me. What's opaque as fuck to me is how I go from feeling this slight sense of not being good enough to something that can bring down my day and my gf's day with it. That, and where the fuck does this come from. So far, on my journey to understand myself, my relation to work has never been much of a focus. Maybe this has been a blind-spot all along. Because work directlyinfluences how I see myself and how I see the world.\nmindmap\n root((Work))\n Social Value\n Place to meet people\n Place to talk\n Make friends?\n Connect to coworkers\n Home Office\n Lonelinless\n Disconnection from coworkers\n Influences \n Self-esteem\n Perception of the world\n Value of other people \n Real work\n Programming\n Producing a tangible outcome\n Not Real Work\n Research\n Open-ended work"],"updated":["2026-05-04T20:49:40+02:00"],"url":["https://inhji.de/posts/real-work/mf2"]},"type":["h-entry"]},{"id":"main-sidebar","properties":{"name":["Jonathan"],"nickname":["inhji"],"note":["Jacked in since 1996."],"url":["https://inhji.de/"]},"type":["h-card"]}],"properties":{},"type":["h-screen"]}],"properties":{},"type":["h-screen"]}],"rel-urls":{"https://aperture.p3k.io/microsub/171":{"rels":["microsub"]},"https://bandcamp.com/inhji":{"rels":["me"],"text":"\n Bandcamp\n "},"https://chaos.social/@inhji":{"rels":["me"],"text":"\n Fediverse\n "},"https://codeberg.org/inhji":{"rels":["me"],"text":"\n Codeberg\n "},"https://git.inhji.de/inhji":{"rels":["me"],"text":"\n Git Server\n "},"https://github.com/inhji":{"rels":["me"]},"https://indieauth.com/auth":{"rels":["authorization_endpoint"]},"https://inhji.de/":{"rels":["me"],"text":"\n Jonathan\n "},"https://inhji.de/assets/css/app-1f12478d5a9377a7a35f1a48326d8f64.css?vsn=d":{"rels":["stylesheet"]},"https://listenbrainz.org/user/inhji":{"rels":["me"],"text":"\n ListenBrainz\n "},"https://musicbrainz.org/user/inhji":{"rels":["me"],"text":"\n MusicBrainz\n "},"https://tokens.indieauth.com/token":{"rels":["token_endpoint"]}},"rels":{"authorization_endpoint":["https://indieauth.com/auth"],"me":["https://github.com/inhji","https://inhji.de/","https://bandcamp.com/inhji","https://listenbrainz.org/user/inhji","https://codeberg.org/inhji","https://chaos.social/@inhji","https://musicbrainz.org/user/inhji","https://git.inhji.de/inhji"],"microsub":["https://aperture.p3k.io/microsub/171"],"stylesheet":["https://inhji.de/assets/css/app-1f12478d5a9377a7a35f1a48326d8f64.css?vsn=d"],"token_endpoint":["https://tokens.indieauth.com/token"]}}