Right now I’m thinking I don’t have an eating disorder. It could be just a bad habit I developed in school when I refused to make lunch for myself at home. So I was stuck with the 2 euros my mom gave me. I remember going to the supermarket and buying sweets and other unhealthy stuff and that was my lunch. It may sound stupid now but when I think about being a teenager with depression, it doesn’t.

Still, right now I’m stuck with this habit of eating the bare minimum for the day. At least I hear my stomach screaming for food more often than years ago.

It’s a strange feeling. Like something that loomed over my head for a long time but I never really acknowledged it. I always knew there was something wrong. I have become so used to the fact that I’m lightweight and skinny that it has become normal for me to eat this little.

A doctor just told me that I have an eating disorder and that I should get professional help.

Part of me is glad that he brought it up and another part is just fucking puzzled. I always thought that eating disorders involved binge-eating and throwing up and feeling guilty for eating at all.

To me, eating is just not that important.