Okay, today’s therapy session yielded one result: Settings boundaries. I managed to do this to a friend of mine and I’m pretty proud. Now comes level 2: Setting them to co-workers in a stressful environment. Added bonus: I really like them and the relationship to them makes it harder.
Self 8 posts
Insight for today: If you lost all control in a situation and think you can’t do anything, you can always change your perspective. ☯️
I take you where you want to go
I give you all you need to know
I drag you down, I use you up
Mr. Self Destruct
Lyrics by Trent Reznor, Image by Mrs-White
Observations from today:
- When you’re smiling at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day, you must have done something right
- Today was a stressful day, but I was waaay less anxious than I used to be
- I have unlocked the ability to let a project rest when it’s time to sleep and not power through until I’m fucking frustrated and tired and go to bed unsatisfied
Lessons learned from todays clusterfuck:
- Output is king. It’s better to voice your emotions than getting eaten up by them.
- There are situations that you cannot control. Accepting that is healthy.
Too young to burn out
I need another vacation because the one I just took just didn’t cut it. I (reluctantly) planned to travel to Prague for a few days, but pushed back on the actual booking until I decided to stay home. In the end I spent a whole week programming on my indie-site. And it was fun, I got a lot done, but I missed something. My vacation.
You can’t get away from (job-)work by doing other (hobby-)work, at least I can’t. I felt like I did and then, one day after my socalled vacation, I felt as exhausted as before it.
So now my boss told me to take a day off. Which feels like a failure. Like I am a failure. This is what I associate with a vacation. As if I was slacking off while everybody else was doing the work that I didn’t want to do. Because I’m lazy or something.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful for my workplace and the people in it. That actually care about me when I can’t. That gratefulness has a dark side, though. That dark side lives in my head and it calls itself guilt.
I feel guilty for not working because these people were kind enough to let me work there when a lot of other companies.. I’m not sure what would happen in other companies because this is my first job I’v ever got and I’ve worked there for nearly five years and I truly love the people there.
Isn’t it normal to feel guilty when you take a break from work because you have to, because you need to?
I guess not but it feels that way right now.